FWD: You Know You’re Getting Old If…
- Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
- Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
- You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
- You watch the Weather Channel.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
- You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
- You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
- “I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
- You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
- You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn’t apply to you.
